‘Inappropriate’ side effects of a uniform that’s ’always appropriate’
October 13, 2018
1. Just as people spend months getting ‘bikini bod ready’ for summer, you anxiously work to ensure you can get the buttons on your tunic closed for when you have to put it back on after Labor Day
2. No one knows it, but there’s this constant reminder of ‘keep your knees together, keep your knees together’ going thru your head on Sundays – especially when seated on a stage without modesty rails
No one wants to be caught doing the ‘Home League Salute’!
3. (Soldiers) Looking forward to summer uniform and finally being able to shuck that tunic. But wait! Your blouse is no longer white, there’s a smattering of stains on it, it’s somehow gotten shorter *and* the buttons are about to pop!
4. The agony that sometimes comes with having to close that top blouse button as your neck/chin(s) resist
5. The slow hula your skirt does around your waist throughout the day until the back pleat is somewhere around your knee
6. ALWAYS having emergency uniform repair items on hand (or knowing someone who does)
We’re talkin’ extra pantyhose (the struggle is real), clear nail polish or hair spray for *when* your hose runs, Tide sticks and shout wipes for the stains that inevitably appear on blouses; extra safety pins to hold together skirt hems and loose buttons, needle and thread, super glue, black shoe polish…
7. Praying your spanxs last throughout the holiness meeting, and/or cursing the Ring of Fire (i.e. where the band of your nylons/spanxs/skirt cuts into your stomach)
8. Encountering the great disturbers of epaulets: seatbelts, purse straps, hugs, small children, coats, instruments, brushing against anything and everything, a wrong look, a soft breeze…
There’s gotta be a better way!
9. One word: NYLONS
Having to visit four stores just to find off black nylons in your size. And then you’re only able to find ONE pair and they get snagged on something before you even leave the house. If you happen to get out with them intact, you have to be in constant awareness of your surroundings throughout the day: That kid with Velcro shoes? Proceed with caution. That chair with rough edges? Stay. Away. Any type of pet/animal? Pet them with your *eyes* from a distance. And the only time – THE ONLY TIME – you’re grateful for nylons is when you’ve taken a hiatus from shaving your legs and their coverage becomes a *blessing*
10. Chafing. You might make it through the day with a pair of nylons intact, but bless it, they always leave you a parting gift.
“The uniform, like every other distinguishable mark of The Salvation Army, was designed to be an expression of our great soul-saving purpose.”
“Uniform wearing, because we love Jesus and desire to bear witness for Him, is one way of letting our light shine.”
“…I felt sure no woman would consent to wear such a uniform unless it was her single aim to seek the salvation of souls”
George Scott Railton